Thursday, March 28, 2013

One Breast, Two Breast, Left Breast, Right Breast {A Parody for Breastfeeding Mothers Inspired by Dr. Seuss}

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We love Dr. Seuss books in our house and we have been reading them almost daily since J was a tiny baby.  One book that we love in particular is "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish."  It's so random and so fun.  When I was reading it most recently, I thought of a Dr. Seuss breastfeeding parody that I had read awhile ago.  I have also come across some other Dr. Seuss breastfeeding parodies since then. Anyway, I thought that this book would work well for a breastfeeding parody as well.

Dr. Seuss Breastfeeding Parody from And Next Comes L

Breastfeeding Parody Inspired by Dr. Seuss

The book is quite long, so I only did the first part of the book (with a snippet from the last page), but here is what I came up with.  Enjoy!

**PLEASE NOTE: You must obtain written permission from me in order to repost this poem on your blog and/or social media. Failure to do so will result in a DMCA Takedown for copyright violations. Direct links (without sharing the entirety of the poem) are welcome and appreciated and do not require permission. You can contact me here.**

One Breast, Two Breast, Left Breast, Right Breast:
A Parody for Breastfeeding Mothers Inspired by Dr. Seuss
by Dyan Robson

One breast
Two breast
Left breast
Right breast.

Which one did
I nurse with last?
Which one will
have a letdown fast?

This one feels uncomfortable.
This one feels more pliable.
Say! both my breasts are capable.

Yes. Some are big.  And some are small.
Some nurse freely.  And some under a shawl.

Some get sore. 
And some make more.
And some have even nursed before.

Why are they
sore, make more, and nursed before?
I do not know.
Go ask a lactation educator.

Some nurse one babe.
And some nurse more.
Tandem nursing sometimes
feels like quite a chore.

From there to here,
From here to there,
I will nurse
my baby everywhere.

Here are nursing pads
to absorb leaking milk.
They absorb leaking milk,
both hind and foremilk.

Oh me!  Oh my!
Oh me! Oh my!
I leaked and now
my shirt's no longer dry.

Some nurse for days
and some for weeks.
Some nurse for months
and some for longer streaks.

When do you know when you should stop?  I can't say.
But a minimum of two years is what
the WHO recommends today.

We see them engorge.
We see them grow.
Some letdown fast.
And some letdown slow.
Some get plugged ducts.
And some do not know
The pain of mastitis when you feed 'er.
Don't ask us why.
Go ask your La Leche League Leader.

Look at the feedings!
One, two, three...
How many feedings
will I see?

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten.
I've nursed eleven!

This is nothing new.
I feed when baby
gives the cue!

Did you ever try to pump?
We have a pump
and it's a manual pump.
we know a woman
called Ms. Exclusively-Pump.
Ms. Exclusively-Pump has a double electric pump.
if you like to go Pump!  Pump!
just jump on the pump of Ms. Exclusively-Pump.

Who am I?
My name's cradle hold.
Baby lays across your lap,
or so I have been told.

This is not good.
This is not right.
I am not getting
much sleep at night.

And when I am too tired,
Oh, dear!
Side-lying position works best,
I cheer!

Every day,
From morn to night,
I nurse my babe 'cause it feels right.

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This parody was inspired by these other Dr. Seuss breastfeeding parodies: Would You Could You Breastfeed in PublicGreen Eggs & Ham for Nursing Moms, and How the Grinch Stole Breastfeeding Parody.