What is Unmasking in Autism?

What is unmasking in autism? What does autism unmasked look like? Learn all about autism unmasking below and get tips and resources for how to unmask.

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Up until a few years ago, you didn't really see people talking about concepts such as autistic camouflaging, social masking, or unmasking. Yet, they are incredibly important topics to learn about, especially if you are autistic yourself. And, thankfully, more and more people are sharing their experiences.

Now, once you understand the basics of autistic masking, the next logical step is to look at the unmasking experience and what that means. Right? Well, that's obviously what we're going to explore here...(I mean the title kind of gives it away, doesn't it?)

Specifically, we're going to dive into answering the question: what is unmasking in autism? You'll discover what it is, the motivations or reasons behind it, what it looks like to be an unmasked autistic person, and more.

What is Unmasking in Autism? A Definition

If you were to look up the term unmasking in a dictionary, you would see definitions such as "to reveal the true nature of" or "to remove a mask from." (source) And that's precisely what unmasking in autism is about.

For a more specific definition, unmasking can be defined as the process of removing or giving up masking and revealing one's true, authentic, and autistic self.

It is important to highlight that unmasking in autism is a process that requires a lot of self-acceptance and self-discovery. So, it is deeply personal. That means that the process will be unique to each and every autistic person.

Motivations & Reasons to Unmask

If you're familiar with autistic masking at all (which you should be before reading this), then you're probably aware that there are lots of reasons why autistic people might mask their autistic traits.

Unsurprisingly, there are also a number of reasons to drop the mask, so to speak, including:

• For mental health considerations

• To be more authentic and true to oneself

• To find and develop healthy coping strategies

• Due to social exhaustion

• They're unable to maintain the mask

• To manage sensory overload

• They're in a safe place or among people they trust

• To educate others about autism

• For self-regulation purposes

• For self-advocacy purposes

• To reduce stress and anxiety

• To build deeper and more meaningful social relationships

• To avoid other long term consequences and effects of autistic masking

Remember, unmasking is a personal process so reasons may vary from one autistic person to another.

Yet, as you can probably tell from this list, unmasking is beneficial and healthy. I mean less stress, deeper connections, managing sensory overload, better mental health...those are all great things!

But what does the process of unmasking involve? What does it look like? What helps a person drop the mask? That's what we'll look at next.

What Does Autistic Unmasking Look Like?

The following are some examples of what autistic unmasking can look like. Keep in mind that it may look different for every individual (tired of me saying this yet?). It is worth mentioning, though, that it's all about embracing your autistic identity and trying to live more authentically. That might mean:

• Accepting your autistic traits and being more open about what it's like to be autistic

• Celebrating neurodiversity

• Stimming freely

• Paying attention to your sensory needs and using sensory tools and strategies as needed

• Advocating for your needs

• Using accommodations and supports (e.g., visual aids, fidgets, sensory tools, AAC device)

• Educating others and sharing your own experiences

• Setting boundaries and sticking to them

• Embracing special interests

• Exploring your own identity

• Prioritizing self-care and well-being (e.g., taking breaks to recharge and recover, practicing healthy coping strategies, doing things at your own pace)

While it's helpful to know what it can look like, sometimes it's difficult to know how to get to that point or where to even start. Especially if you are new to this process. So, are there certain things that help a person unmask? Well, that's what we'll look at next.

How to Unmask: Things You Can Do or Try

Not sure where to begin when it comes to unmasking? Here are some things that can help you during the process:

• Rediscover a passion and embrace your special interests

• Connect with others in the autism or neurodivergent community (talking to others who have similar experiences can be super helpful!)

• Spend time alone and take time for self-reflection

• Learn about your autistic traits and embrace autistic culture (resources here)

• Stim freely

• Infodump about your passions or special interests, especially to someone you feel safe around and trust

• Listen to your favorite music or rewatch your favorite movies, shows, and videos

• Rely on things that are safe and comforting in terms of sensory input (e.g., eating samefoods, spending time in sensory-friendly spaces, using fidgets or sensory tools, engaging in calming sensory activities, wearing clothing that is comfortable)

• Ask for support and accommodations

• Try using other modes of communication (e.g., using scripts, communication cards, or an AAC device) that will help with social interactions

• Acknowledge any internalized ableism and work on dismantling that

• Use visual supports (e.g., checklists, visual schedules, social stories, written supports, communication cards)

• Establish boundaries

• Go at your own pace and do things on your own terms

• Educate others about autism, sensory processing, and autistic traits

• Build a support network with people you trust

• Read about others' experiences with masking and unmasking (see a couple of book recommendations below)

Obviously, this list is not exhaustive, but it is a good starting point for those who might be learning how to unmask. Remember, this process is personal and highly individual (repetition helps, okay?). So, do what works for you.

If you need more strategies and ideas, keep in mind that there are books that go into more depth on this particular topic, which leads me to the next section...

Useful Books About Unmasking in Autism

Ready to learn more and want to dive deeper into unmasking? Well, here are some book suggestions that you might be interested in:

1. Taking Off the Mask by Dr. Hannah Louise Belcher - This book is filled with lots of research and information about autistic masking and camouflaging. It also includes practical exercises to help autistic people. The book is relatively short too (around 150 pages) so it shouldn't take too long to read through.

2. Unmasking Autism by Devon Price - I know that many autistic people have found this book helpful and really informative. It comes highly recommended! It's a book I started reading, but never finished (and probably should try to read again).

A Summary of Autism Unmasked

We covered a lot of information above. So, let's do a quick summary of what unmasking in autism is, what it looks like, and what you can do to help.

• Unmasking is the process of removing or giving up masking and revealing one's true, authentic, and autistic self.

• This process of unmasking is personal and highly individual so it will look different for every autistic person.

• There are plenty of reasons to unmask, but two common ones are for mental health reasons and to be more true to oneself.

• Autism unmasked looks like accepting your autism, stimming freely, advocating for your needs, using accommodations, setting boundaries, and exploring your own identity.

• To get started with unmasking, you can try connecting with others in the autism community, embracing your special interests, learning about autistic traits, using visual supports, and reading about others' experiences.

You now have a better answer to the question: what is unmasking in autism? and, hopefully, this information will help you as you begin to unmask (or support someone else who might be trying to unmask). Good luck!

How to Talk to Autistic Kids About Masking & Why You Should

Tips for how to talk to autistic kids about masking and the reasons why you should.

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It's so important to help autistic kids learn about their own autistic identity. Especially if you want them to be strong self-advocates as they grow, which I think we can agree is definitely something that we want.

Building a strong identity for your autistic child starts with telling them that they're autistic.

You can also talk to them about other autistic traits such as stimming and samefoods. Or special interests and infodumping. You can talk about autistic joy, celebrate differences, and highlight their strengths.

But one topic that probably doesn't get discussed enough is autism masking in children, despite it having a profound impact on mental health, among other things. After all, masking is something that a lot of autistic learners will engage in, even if they're not aware of it. Especially at school.

So, below we're going to discuss how to talk to autistic kids about masking and why you should. There are lots of benefits, as you'll see.

You'll also learn a variety of tips and strategies to start the conversation and even get a book recommendation. So let's dive in!

Reasons to Talk to Autistic Kids About Autistic Masking

Before we dive into some specific reasons, I'd like this section off by sharing a passage from "Masking in Autistic Children: The Child's Voice" by Jodie Smitten. In this paper, Jodie writes:

"All participants had discovered they masked by discovering that masking exists!...Knowledge is power. I advocate for autistic children and young people to be given support around self-understanding, self-acceptance and self-advocacy to protect their mental health. Autistic masking is part of the autistic experience and so children having better knowledge of it and how it impacts them can only lead to better outcomes."

This quote highlights just how empowering learning about autism masking can be for autistic children.

But, if that quote isn't reason enough, there are plenty of other benefits to talking to autistic kids about masking. For instance, it:

• Teaches a child that autism masking exists and is a real thing

• Helps a child understand their own experiences and gives them the language to communicate those experiences

• Validates a child's experiences

• Builds self-advocacy skills

• Promotes self-awareness

• Can reduce feelings of isolation or confusion (i.e., they know that masking is a common experience among autistic individuals)

• Encourages a child to embrace their differences and be themselves

• Can improve emotional regulation

• Helps a child identify coping strategies, safe spaces, and safe people

• Leads to better support from parents, teachers, etc.

• Improves mental health

• Builds trust and empathy (i.e., others can better understand the child's experiences and parents show they're willing to talk about important autistic traits)

• Promotes self-acceptance

As you can see, there are lots of benefits to talking to kids about autism masking. But how do you start the conversation? What do you talk about? What should you focus on? Well, that's what we'll cover next.

How to Talk to Autistic Kids About Masking

Like a lot of discussions about autistic identity and traits, this conversation about masking will be an ongoing one. It is something you will talk about more than once, especially as the child grows, their needs change, the social demands change, and so on.

So here are some tips for talking to your autistic child about masking behaviors:

• Define what autism masking is by using language and descriptions that are appropriate for the child's age, developmental level, and level of understanding - Keep things simple, use concrete and observable examples of masking behaviors, use analogies to make the concept more understandable, etc.

• Describe what autism masking looks like and what signs your child can look out for

• Observe and document the ways in which your child might be masking and make a list of situations where they might mask and any signs of masking in children you notice.

• Discuss some of the reasons why they might mask and why it might be helpful from time to time

• Talk about what makes your child feel safe and comfortable - Doing so will give you an idea of when, where, or with whom they feel safe enough to unmask

• Discuss some of the ways that a child might be inadvertently taught to mask their autistic traits (e.g., someone tries to stop them from stimming or forces them to make eye contact)

• Talk about when they might mask and when they might not (e.g., at school vs. at home)

• Discuss related topics such as sensory overload and autistic burnout, which can result from ignoring and masking sensory needs

• Write a social story about autism masking - You can use this free social story template to help

• Read books with your child that discuss autism masking - The book Speak Up! by Rebecca Burgess is an excellent choice.

• Discuss some of the long-term effects and consequences of autistic masking so that they are aware of them - You might want to keep them more general or only highlight what might be most relevant, depending on their age.

• Have ongoing conversations about identity, their support needs, advocating for those needs, etc. and be sure to highlight their strengths and celebrate differences while doing so

• Help kids understand their energy levels (try this free self care battery printable) and how to manage or balance those energy levels

• Discuss when masking might be needed for safety reasons

• Encourage questions and create an open and judgement-free space for talking about things like masking and autistic identity

• Talk about emotions and well-being

• Ask your child to share about their own experiences in different social situations - They might be able to touch on some of the internal struggles they are facing that aren't otherwise observable.

Remember, you will have to revisit this conversation and topic on a regular basis. So, it's important that you keep communication open and check in frequently with your child. Be available to answer any questions they may have and always keep learning more about autism masking.

Summary of Talking to Kids About Autism Masking

If you want your autistic child to live authentically and be a strong advocate for their needs, then you need to talk to them about important elements of autistic culture, such as autistic masking.

As you've been shown, there are plenty of benefits to talking to your child about this particular social survival strategy. Even just knowing that masking exists is extremely powerful!

There are lots of ways to have conversations about masking with your autistic child. You can read books, talk about identity and energy levels, discuss what the signs and reasons for masking are, and help your child identify situations in which they mask.

Remember that these conversations will be ongoing. They're not a one-and-done type of conversation. And hopefully these tips for how to talk to autistic kids about masking will come in handy as you continue to have these conversations going forward.

The Consequences of Autistic Masking & Camouflaging

A look at some of the long-term effects and consequences of autistic masking and camouflaging.

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Autistic masking might be a useful coping and social survival strategy, especially in the short term. It does, however, come at a cost. There are many potential long-term effects that are harmful or damaging, as you will see.

Everything from mental health to identity to even diagnosis can be impacted by autistic masking and camouflaging. There's even some recent research that's exploring these effects (e.g, Cage et al., 2018; Cage & Troxell-Whitman, 2019; Cassidy et al., 2018; Hull et al., 2017, Livingstone et al., 2019).

So, whether you are autistic yourself or you're simply parenting an autistic child, it's important to be aware of these long-term effects of social camouflaging.

And, once you are familiar with them, you can see why it's important to provide safe spaces for autistic individuals to unmask and be comfortable.

Below we'll take a closer look at some of the more specific effects and consequences of autistic masking and camouflaging. Some of them may be surprising to you, while others may not. Regardless, they are things you should know about masking and camouflaging in autism.

The Long-Term Effects & Consequences of Autistic Masking & Camouflaging

It's worth noting that some of the effects on this list might be relatively minor compared to others. And then there are some that might be more common amongst females and not necessarily applicable to you or your child.

So, please keep in mind that the long-term effects will vary from person to person and even depending on the length and duration of the masking behaviors.

Keeping in mind that the following list is not exhaustive, here are some of the most common effects of masking and camouflaging autistic traits that you should be aware of:

• Delayed diagnosis or identification - Masking changes how autistic people present themselves as they often hide common autistic traits. That often means that they don't "meet the stereotype of 'an autistic person'" (Hull et al., 2017) when they are masking and might not fit the diagnostic criteria as a result. In other words, they "sit below the diagnostic threshold." (Livingston et al., 2019)

• Autistic burnout - Often from exhaustion and lack of support (Livingston et al., 2019), as well as from ignoring their needs.

• Sensory overload - Often, because they are ignoring their own sensory needs and pushing through discomfort while masking.

• Emotional overload or dysregulation

• Exhaustion (mentally, physically, emotionally, or socially) - As noted Hull et al., (2017), camouflaging requires "intensive concentration, self-control, and management of discomfort." 

• An increase in meltdowns - Especially if they haven't had time to recover after an episode of masking or camouflaging.

• A loss of skills (what some might consider a regression)

• Higher rates of depression (see Cage et al., 2018)

• Suicidality (see Cassidy et al., 2018)

• High levels of stress and anxiety - Although this effect might depend on how much one camouflages or masks. "High camouflagers did however show significantly higher anxiety symptoms than low camouflagers."(Cage & Troxell-Whitman, 2019)

• Poor mental health

• Feelings of isolation and loneliness - Since "the relationships they formed through camouflaging were based on deception...[it] reinforced experiences of loneliness and isolation, as they felt no one truly knew them or understood them." (Hull et al., 2017)

• Self-esteem issues

• Superficial, inauthentic, or impaired relationships

• Feelings of being misunderstood

• Lack of support or limited access to resources (e.g., inappropriate or zero accommodations, unmet needs, not getting help, having your needs overlooked, people don't believe your struggles or that you need support)

• Identity issues - For example, masking often challenged a person's "view towards themselves, and produce[d] negative emotions and attitudes, such as being a 'fake' or losing their identity." (Hull et al., 2017)

• Dissonance

• Difficulties with executive functioning

• Employment or job challenges

Some Final Notes on the Effects of Autistic Masking

You can see how these effects impact a wide variety of areas, from social relationships and employment to mental health and one's sense of self. There are some pretty dire consequences on this list too...

That's why it's so incredibly important to create accessible and sensory-friendly environments where autistic people don't have to rely on extensive masking to adhere to allistic social norms. Ideally, they should feel comfortable to be themselves and unmask a little. Unfortunately, there's still a lot of work to be done when it comes to ableism, autism acceptance, and awareness of these important issues.

It's also worth noting that sometimes these effects work together to lead to more serious consequences. For instance, "unmet support needs appear to be risk markers for suicidality unique to ASC (autism spectrum condition)" (Cassidy et al., 2018). Also, exhaustion often leads to "extreme anxiety and stress" (Hull et al., 2017)

Finally, remember that these consequences are long-term. They depend on how much one masks, how long, how often, etc. So you might not notice these effects until many years down the road.

Which of these consequences of autistic masking and camouflaging was the most surprising to you?

Strategies for Supporting Autistic Students Who Mask at School

How do you help a child who is masking at school? Tips and strategies for supporting autistic students who mask at school.

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Do you suspect that your autistic child is masking at school?

Or maybe you're a teacher and you've noticed that a student of yours seems to be masking their autistic traits.

Perhaps you're wondering what you can do to help support these students and maybe help them unmask a little...After all, it's quite common for children to mask their autism at school.

But how exactly do you help a child who is masking at school?

Well, below you will find a variety of tips and strategies for supporting autistic students who mask at school.

We'll look at classroom strategies, teaching tips, and IEP tips. Then we'll look at the importance of collaborating as a team and how teachers and parents can work together to support the autistic child who masks. So let's dig in!

Classroom Strategies & Teaching Tips for Helping Autistic Kids Who Mask at School

There are lots of things that teachers can to support autistic kids, regardless of whether or not they know an autistic student is actively engaging in masking behaviors. In other words, the following strategies are just good everyday tips to keep in mind. For instance, teachers can:

• Implement visual supports to support verbal instructions

• Offer flexible seating options

• Provide different learning options

• Use materials and strategies that don't encourage or promote masking behaviors (i.e., you'll want to avoid criss cross applesauce, quiet hands, demanding eye contact, and behavior charts)

• Provide regular sensory breaks throughout the school day

• Provide access to fidgets, sensory tools, and coping strategies

• Use clear language when giving instructions and avoid using non-literal language

• Build an inclusive classroom culture

• Create a sensory-friendly classroom environment (e.g., flexible seating, calm down corner, dim the lights, reduce visual clutter)

• Recognize that there are a variety of different learning styles in your classroom and try to use strategies that are accessible to these different learning styles

• Use a structured and predictable routine

• Provide advanced notice of any changes to the schedule, if possible, and give the student clear warnings about those changes

• Use accessible curriculum and materials

• Support social skills development through peer education, inclusive social activities, explicit teaching, modeling, social stories (when written well - there are lots of bad ones out there), etc.

• Don't discourage stimming or other autistic traits

Remember, a lot of these tips and strategies are good practice, autism masking or not. That means that implementing these tips will help create a safe environment. An environment in which autistic students might feel more comfortable letting the mask drop a bit.

IEP Tips & Strategies for Supporting Autistic Students Who Mask at School

It's quite common for school teams to write IEP goals that, unfortunately, encourage autistic students to learn masking behaviors. So, IEPs are actually a really great place to start when it comes to addressing concerns about masking at school.

Here are some tips to keep in mind when it comes to the IEP process:

• Avoid writing goals that encourage autistic masking (e.g., eye contact goals)

• Write strengths-based and neurodiversity-affirming goals

• Encourage self-advocacy skills and write goals that focus on self-advocacy skills

• Regularly review the student's IEP and adjust goals, accommodations, and supports as needed

• Make sure the IEP is individualized and tailored to the needs of the student

• Provide appropriate accommodations and individualized support

• Develop a transition plan

A lot of these IEP tips are what we call IEP green flags. They are the things we generally want to see when it comes to IEPs. And they can help reduce the need to mask in the classroom.

Collaborate With Parents, the Student, & Other Support Staff About Autistic Masking

It's important to remember that parents and the school staff should work as a team when it comes to supporting autistic students in the classroom. But it's also important to consult other relevant professionals, such as a speech therapist or occupational therapist. And don't forget to include the student themselves!

Here are some tips to keep in mind when it comes to collaboration:

• Listen to parents about their concerns and seek their input about how to best support the autistic student

• Collaborate with specialists such as speech therapists, occupational therapists, etc. to better understand the child's sensory needs and learning style and find appropriate strategies and supports to meet those needs

• Learn from and include autistic perspectives, if possible

• Share feedback with parents about what you are noticing in the classroom and discuss how that differs or not from what the parents are seeing at home

• Listen to and validate the student's needs, their struggles, and/or any concerns they may have

• Talk about after school meltdowns and school exhaustion and how that might impact things like school performance, homework expectations, participation in extracurricular school activities or field trips, etc.

Bottom line: opt for a team approach and actively collaborate with parents, the student, and other support staff. It's an easy way to ensure that the student feels heard, valued, well supported, and, most importantly, safe. And when students feel safe, they might be less inclined to mask their autistic traits.

What Parents Can do to Support Teachers When it Comes to Autism Masking

Parents are usually the first to notice that their autistic child might be masking. Usually, it's because the school and the parents are noticing different things (i.e., it feels like the two parties are describing two completely different children). See more signs of autism masking in children here.

So, more often than not, it will be parents who start the discussion of autism masking with the school staff.

But how do you start talking to your child's school about autistic masking?

Well, here are some things that parents can do:

• Help the school staff understand what autistic masking is, especially if they aren't familiar with it yet, and what that looks like for your child

• Educate the school staff about autism and autistic traits (sometimes the school staff might have incomplete, outdated, and/or incorrect information about what autism actually is)

• Collaborate with the school team to better understand the child, what their anxiety triggers are, and come up with a plan and IEP goals that make sense

• Keep communication channels open

• Share any strategies or tips that help the child feel safe, calm, and well regulated at home

• Inform the school about anything that might be going on at home that could be impacting their school experience (e.g., big life changes, sleep changes)

Teachers need active feedback and engagement from parents. After all, parents know their children much better than teachers do. They can work together though to come up with a plan for supporting a child who might be masking at school.

How Do You Help a Child Who is Masking at School? A Quick Recap

It's one thing to know the signs of autism masking at school, but it's a whole other thing to know how to support the child who masks at school.

As you can see from above, there are a wide variety of strategies and tips to try. Here is a quick summary of what was discussed above:

• There are lots of different learning styles so classrooms need to be sensory-friendly, inclusive, supportive, and accessible to all. That includes learning materials and curriculum.

• IEPs are a great place to address concerns about masking at school. Instead of writing goals that actively teach autistic masking, goals should be strengths-based, neurodiversity-affirming, individually tailored to the student, and encourage the development of self-advocacy skills.

• It's important for the school, parents, the student, and other support staff to collaborate and work together as a team. Input from all should be considered when designing a support plan.

• Parents play a big role in supporting teachers when it comes to autistic masking. They might have to help educate the school staff about autism, masking, and other autistic traits in order to make sure their child is well supported at school.

There are no hard and fast tricks here. Instead, the goal is to arm you with suggestions and strategies for supporting autistic students who mask at school. That way you can develop a support plan. And, hopefully, you now have plenty of ideas to consider.

How to Support Autistic Children who Mask

Wondering how to support autistic children who mask? Here are some tips and strategies to keep in mind.

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As you may already know, many autistic children learn to mask their autistic traits quite early on. They might do it as a way to fit in or to feel a sense of belonging, for instance (more reasons why here).

But you also know that autistic masking can have negative long term effects...Too much masking can lead to bigger problems down the road.

Yet, perhaps you also recognize that there are times where masking might be extremely important to engage in. For instance, in matters of personal safety.

So what can parents or caregivers do? How do you balance the short term benefits of autistic masking with the long term consequences?

Below we'll discuss tips and strategies for how to support autistic children who mask. That way you know what you can do at home, at school, during therapy, or in other environments.

How to Support Autistic Children who Mask

There are a variety of things you can do to make sure your autistic child feels well supported and safe enough to unmask. The tips usually fall into one of these broader categories:

• Learning about autism masking and other autistic traits

• Creating safe and supportive environments

• Promoting self advocacy skills and using neurodiversity affirming approaches

• Offering social and sensory breaks

• Making sure communication remains open

But let's break these categories down into more specific tips and strategies that you can actually use.

1. Learn About Autism Masking & Other Autistic Traits

The best place to start is by educating yourself about autistic masking (much like you're already doing!) and other autistic traits. That includes learning about stimming, meltdowns, infodumping, special interests, etc.

Once you have a better understanding of what autistic masking is, then you can better educate those around you, including family members, anyone who works with your child, the school, and so on.

For example, you will want to work with your child's teacher and the school to make sure they are familiar with masking. They'll also need to know what signs of autism masking at school to watch out for. Maybe you can work together to come up with strategies to ensure that the classroom is a safe space for your child to be their true authentic self.

You'll also want to watch out for any masking behaviors that are being taught to your child during therapy. They may be taught inadvertently or not.

Please keep in mind that a lot of social skills programs and ABA therapy, for instance, teach a lot of masking behaviors. So opt for more neurodiversity affirming approaches and therapies (we'll touch on this more below).

2. Create Safe & Supportive Environments for Your Autistic Child

Whether at home or in the classroom, you want to try and create a safe and supportive environment. One where your child will feel comfortable unmasking and free to be their authentic selves.

But how do you do that exactly?

Well, start by creating a sensory safe space, such as calm down corner, or by offering fidgets or other sensory tools that the child finds helpful.

You'll also want to focus on creating an inclusive environment. One where differences are celebrated and validated. That might mean tweaking the language you use, shifting your mindset, encouraging stimming and infodumping, taking a strengths-based approach to things, and never ever shaming them for their autistic traits.

You can also provide supports and accommodations for those times when using spoken language might be too hard to access. That might mean using visual aids, AAC tools, communication cards, or similar.

Another thing you can do is provide predictability and create strong routines. Big or unexpected changes can often be a reason why a child might mask so making the environment as predictable and routine based as possible can be super helpful.

For example, maybe you always have tacos on Tuesdays, baths on Wednesdays, or movie nights on Fridays. Maybe you always have music class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Keeping those routines provide stability because they are predictable and familiar. The child knows what to expect and when. And when things are predictable, masking won't be as likely or as necessary.

3. Promote Self Advocacy Skills & Use Neurodiversity Affirming Approaches

One of the best things - hands down - that you can teach your autistic child is self advocacy skills.

 

Teaching a child how to speak up and advocate for themselves is empowering and useful. It can also boost self-esteem and confidence.

You'll also want to look for and use neurodiversity affirming approaches. Remember, as was touched on earlier, a lot of therapies and professionals might inadvertently be teaching masking behaviors to your child.

Neurodiversity affirming approaches, on the other hand, create environments that are safer for kids to be themselves. As a result, you'll notice that children won't have to rely on masking as much or as often.

But what does neurodiversity affirming mean exactly? What does it look like? Well, it means encouraging special interests and stimming. It means considering the child's sensory needs and understanding that echolalia is meaningful communication. It also means aiming for connection over compliance, teaching self advocacy skills, recognizing that all forms of communication are valid, and so on.

4. Offer Social & Sensory Breaks

Autistic children who mask need regular breaks. So be sure to encourage and allow for social and sensory breaks. That might mean taking breaks from or during social interactions, setting aside downtime after school, going for sensory breaks during the school day, or a combination of all of the above.

You'll also want to teach your child that it's okay to take a break. Then help them learn about their own sensory and social triggers and identify what strategies they can use to regulate, when needed.

Be sure to also teach your child about monitoring their energy levels (or spoons in the disability community!). That way they can know when it's time to take a break, use a coping strategy, etc.

You should also be modeling things like the value of taking a break, resetting after a long day, enjoying hobbies, and so on. That way your child can see that it's okay for everyone to take breaks when they need it.

The main point here is to give your child time and space.

That might be in a calm down space or corner, like we discussed earlier, or just giving them some downtime after school.

That might also mean letting them engage with passions or special interests (tips and strategies here).

Basically, you want to give them time to recharge their battery. Speaking of which, this free self care battery printable might be a helpful tool for your child.

Another idea is to reduce demands and consider whether or not the situation you are placing them in is increasing the need for masking. For instance, does your child really need to take part in that particular social activity? Do they really need to wear the fancy outfit to your cousin's wedding? Can they give their grandma a high five instead of a hug?

Another thing to keep in mind is that it's important to meet the child where they're at. Ask fewer questions, place fewer demands, help them regulate through co-regulation, provide them with breaks, socialize for shorter periods of time...do what you can to support the child you have right now.

5. Make Sure Communication Stays Open

In terms of communication, there are lots of different strategies that you can try.

First of all, talk to your child about autistic masking and unmasking. Help them understand what it is, why it might be helpful in certain situations, the effects of long-term masking, when to mask and when not to, how to unmask, the benefits of unmasking, and so on.

Secondly, watch out for changes in your autistic child so that you can talk to them about any changes you're noticing.

For example, perhaps you've noticed some signs of autistic masking or your child's teacher has noticed some at school. Or maybe you've noticed mood or behavior changes or some signs of burnout. Maybe you've even noticed that your child is no longer into that special interest they've loved for so long. 

Another thing you can do is advocate for your child in other environments such as school. Especially when they are younger or when they are finding it difficult to advocate for themselves. This also includes educating the school or others about autistic masking so they too can know how to support your child. Remember, your child will pick up on what you model.

Finally, you'll want to make sure you talk to your child about identity in general and discuss any identity issues that your child might be facing.

Discussing identity includes talking about strengths, interests and hobbies, differences, inclusion, gender identity, sexual identity, and so on.

It also includes telling them that they're autistic, helping them understand autistic traits and culture, teaching them vocabulary related to neurodiversity, making sure they understand what masking is, and so on.

Recap of Autism Masking & Supporting the Kids who Mask

Okay, I know that was a lot of information. So, here's a quick summary of supporting autistic kids who mask:

• Educate yourself and others about autistic masking and other autistic traits

• Make sure the child's teacher and the school are familiar with autism masking

• Watch out for masking behaviors that are being taught during therapy

• Create a safe and supportive environment

• Create an inclusive environment

• Celebrate differences

• Provide supports and accommodations

• Create strong routines

• Promote self advocacy skills

• Use neurodiversity affirming approaches

• Offer social and sensory breaks

• Teach kids that it's okay to take a break

• Model taking a break, resetting after a long day, etc.

• Give kids time and space to reset and decompress

• Encourage a child's interests and passions

• Reduce demands

• Meet the child where they're at

• Talk to the child about autistic masking and unmasking

• Talk to the child about any changes you've noticed

• Advocate on behalf of the child

• Discuss identity, inclusion, and differences with kids

By now, you should feel more confident that you know how to support autistic children who mask. After all, you now have a long list of tips and strategies to consider and try.